Have you ever had to leave your house, and wonder if you will be able to fit in the spaces where most of society works or socializes? Has this made you feel like maybe its time for a change? No not a personal change like say taking the stairs more often, or trying a salad that isn’t swimming in ranch dressing. Fatties need real change and apparently that means changing the entire world to accommodate their horrific life choices. Now how can you make this change a reality? With the brand new kickstarted app destined to fail, AllGo!
What exactly is AllGo, you ask?
The first review platform designed with people of size in mind. On AllGo, users will be able to rate the comfort and accessibility of public spaces.
Who came up with this nonsense?
Yup, it’s basically Yelp for fatties! Scheduled to release “late summer of 2018” AllGo will soon allow fatties all around Portland, Oregon to complain about things that make fatties uncomfortable. While the app is not out yet I imagine common metrics will be
- Chairs with arms
- Small doorways
- Small portions
- No unlimited refills
- Lack of deep-fried cheese options
and of course
- Small walkways that limit scootypuff mobility
The Kickstarter campaign was successfully backed on April 9th with $55,158, roughly 110% of their goal. Usually a crowdfunded campaign will mention its staff and how they are capable of handling the task at hand. AllGo only mentions its “supporters” as their crew, and that they have “Identified our development team”. The crew they mentioned are merely a list of fat acceptance “celebrities”, but they seem more apt to complain about this post than say create a software platform.
As of writing this they have ~140 days to go from their wire frame concept to a beta version of the site. With developers ” identified” but not hired it makes you wonder if this will just be a poorly done website that the app loads up. AllGo has listed a breakdown of where the money is going, and it doesn’t instill confidence.
- $25 buys very important blocks of code (we really need these!)
- $50 spreads the word on social media when we launch in a new city
- $100 integrate a city’s maps when we expand outside of Portland
- $250 test the product on a new device
- $500 sponsors a review party in a new city to get data into AllGo
- $1,000 tests the product on grandmas and grandpas who hate technology (we want everyone to be able to use AllGo!)
- $2,500 builds a set of review factors for a specific venue-type (e.g., music venues, hair salons, etc.)
- $5,000 keeps the trolls away!
So, about that $5,000… do I get it for taking down this post or was that just a random cash grab? I’m guessing it was the latter. On a more serious note though $50 isn’t much for a social media campaign, and $500 for a review party when they launch into a new city? It really feels like Rebecca is pulling these numbers out of her fupa. If we apply the dreaded math that fatties hate so much (after all cals in v cals out is the basic formula to weight gain and loss), we can see that there is no way this project can launch.
55,158 pledged
-5% for processing = 52,400.1
-5% for Kickstarter’s share = 49,780.95
We won’t take out the $5,000 “anti troll fund” because its obvious that it won’t keep anyone away.
So just under 50 grand to work with, now lets take a look at the actual development of this App.
-$1,000 on testing for the “olds” who will never use it because the morbidly obese don’t tend to live that long.
So now we are down to $48,780.95
Now here is where it gets interesting, $2,500 per venue type. So lets say you wanted to launch with 15 venues, something like
- Gyms
- Movies
- Restaurants
- Airline
- Doctors Office
- Bar
- Supermarket
- Clothing Store
- Theme Park
- Public Transit
- Pool
- Concert Hall
- Sports Arena
- Hair Salon
- Cafes
That would cost a total of $37,500, leaving us with 12,280.09! That still sounds like a decent chunk of change, until you factor in the backers who have rewards coming their way. 1,137 backers have gone in on this debacle. If purchasing AND shipping their goods cost just $3 each (Which is an extremely low price, a postcard stamp is 35 cents, but I am trying to make a point here.) that would leave AllGo with $8,869.
Now we run into one factor that the campaign conveniently forgot to mention, paying the developers!
Lets say each developer is making $50 an hour for this project, a regular 40 hour work week would be 2,000 a week. The Kickstarter campaign lists a development team which means… more than 1. So lets say they have 2, because again we are just using the numbers they are providing and low balling all the rest of it. So we are looking at $4,000 a week of continued development if this thing his beta. So they would have about 2 weeks of development money left over on a minimal team of 2, going into beta.
This isn’t factoring in multiple ongoing factors though. This excluded purchasing code, getting the app certified by Apple (I think its free on android), testing it on multiple devices, bandwidth for the hosted app and database, I could keep going but this point I’ll just post this and say they can keep the $5,000 since it won’t keep me away, and honestly it looks like they will need it a lot more than I do. Looking forward to the updates on this so I can add it to the list of fat acceptance kick starters that failed.
The post AllGo! The Fat Acceptance App That Needs to Go Away! appeared first on NotYourGoodFatty!.